


i'm at the bottom of me

by disinvxltura



Category: Percy Jackson and the Olympians & Related Fandoms - All Media Types, The Heroes of Olympus - Rick Riordan
Genre: Break Up, Heavy Angst, Hurt No Comfort, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Not Canon Compliant, Sad Ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-25
Updated: 2018-10-25
Packaged: 2019-08-07 06:33:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 855
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16403138
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/disinvxltura/pseuds/disinvxltura
Summary: “So, how should we do this?”It’s spoken into a tense silence, not a precursor to the question in sight.or: the scariest thing is the truth we hide from ourselves





	i'm at the bottom of me

**Author's Note:**

> honestly just... take this. please.
> 
> title: miss nothing by the pretty reckless

“So, how should we do this?”

It’s spoken into a tense silence, not a precursor to the question in sight.

Nico doesn’t really know how to respond — how could he, he doesn’t even know what _this_ , exactly, refers to — so he shrugs and responds to what the thinks is a good response, opting to bide his time until he can parse the true meaning of the inquiry.

(It’s never helped before.)

“I don’t know, you tell me.”

“Talk less?”

Referring to what they should do, now that the dust has settled and everything’s been said and done, too fragile to carry on how they once did?

Well. If Jason’s expression when he said that he was done wasn’t the realization Nico needed for him to understand that he’s truly and completely fucked up for the last time, this definitely would be.

It sinks into Nico’s core, piercing his heart one more time.

Not that Nico needed it; his heart had already been stepped on and inserted with so many needles throughout this conversation, he thinks there might be nothing left for anyone to mend back together.

Nico shrugs again, numbness sinking into every fiber of his being. “Whatever.”

And it truly is _whatever_ : he hates this, deeply, but he’ll still go along with whatever Jason says. For Jason, with all his flaws and own brokenness, is more coherent and stable than Nico could ever hope to be.

Nico doesn’t want to rely on himself. He already wants to plead with Jason to take him back, that he’ll change for him, please, give him another chance. He’s seen the error of his ways.

But isn’t that what he always says?

And isn’t that always a truth in the moment, but a lie after his guilt has ebbed away and all he feels is resentment, tormenting him and whispering dark thoughts about Jason into his gullible mind?

So Nico doesn’t say anything more. Just hopes that Jason understands that even though he’s hurting, he’ll still heed every word that comes out of his mouth, no matter how much they wound him so.

But no such luck.

“Okay,” Jason begins, voice straining to keep calm, “if you don’t want to work with me, then let’s do this. Twice a week.”

_If you don’t want to work with me, if you don’t want to work with me, if you don’t want to work with me, if you don’t want to work with me—_

“Uh, no.”

“Okay, then let’s not talk at all.” Jason rolls his eyes. “Whatever.”

Nico holds back a scoff. Of _course_ he’s overreacting about this when he accused Nico of not cooperating with an idea that _he_ had. Never mind that Nico never agreed to it.

“This is all your idea,” Nico points out, “Not mine.” He crosses his arms. “I’m not choosing anything.”

“What’s your idea, then?”

And for the first time in what seems like _hours_ , Jason doesn’t sound sarcastic. If anything, his tone is genuine, like he’s actually curious about Nico’s idea.

Well. Assumed idea.

“I don’t have one,” he says as frankly as he can be, praying he doesn’t sound caustic.

_You probably fail_ , his mind supplies unhelpfully, recollecting all the fights because of misunderstood statements. He winces.

“So helpful.”

And sarcastic Jason is back, oh joy. Can’t go two seconds without feeling like he’s being thrown to wolves for _some_ dumb mistake he did. But he bets that Jason feels the exact same way about him.

_Fair’s fair_ , his mind snarls. _You did it to me, so I did it to you. If you didn’t want to get hurt, you shouldn’t have hurt me. Fuck you._

The thoughts seep into his body, making him curl his fist, making him glare at his (ex?) boyfriend.

“I never said I was going to be,” he says loftily. “You just assumed.”

“I’d say let’s talk when we have something to say,” Jason shoots back just as high and mighty as Nico, “but then I’d just have to shut up forever because you don’t care about anything I say.”

Nico’s not going to disagree. Why should he? It’s true: for the past few weeks — hell, maybe even month, at this point — nothing Jason has said has been particularly interesting nor worthy of a reply.

And a lot of the things Jason cares about Nico doesn’t, though he usually doesn’t say it. Just lets it go without comment.

So all he says in reply is “Am I supposed to say something to that?”

Perhaps not the wisest decision he’s made, but look, the stupidest one is the one that got them into this mess in the first place.

(Nico wishes he could travel back in time and just _tell_ Jason what’s wrong instead of lashing out and expecting Jason to understand that he’s hurting and doesn’t know how to handle it other than pretending he’s fine and exploding when someone gets too close for comfort.

It’s what caused many a fight between them.

Nico thought, after the last time, that Jason _knew_. He should’ve known better.)

“I don't know, are you?”

(Nico always should've known better.)

**Author's Note:**

> feel free to follow me on twitter [@carterhxrt](https://twitter.com/carterhxrt)


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